No Need to Pretend (part 2)

I know a lot of people, in the church, who want to have the reputation of (be known for) being a Christian without having the real life transformational work actually happen in their life.

They want to be KNOWN for being generous without having a heart that's just generous.

They want to be KNOWN for being something they are actually not. They pretend.

Here's the irony:
Pretending, in the church, leads to death.
Transformation (which includes dying to your self) actually brings life.

Jesus said He came to seek and to save the lost.

Mark 9 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" 12On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Into every life, there comes moments of truth when we get the gift of facing the truth about who we are before God, others and ourselves.

When was the last time you courageously faced the truth about yourself?
Are you a slave to what other people think about you?

Freedom can only come when we stop pretending (when we stop managing our reputations) and when we allow Jesus to transform our hearts and lives.

Choose life, now, and be free.

No Need To Pretend

Lately I have been “trying” to be “real.

I would never go so far as saying that normally I am fake, but sometimes when situations are tough, sometimes when relationships are frustrating, sometimes when life isn’t fair, I can be fake-ish. (I know, I know, that really isn’t a word, but why don’t you just give me a break?)

But honestly, I can gloss those situations over with a joke or a laugh or a comment/question to distract from the difficult or awkward. I tend to avoid difficult and awkward.

And lately in the midst of trouble, frustration, and uncertainty, when I might have glossed over what I really think, what I really mean, or what I typically hold back, I am trying to stand firm, get my point across, and be “real.”

And it feels great.

Yes, I have had some awkward moments, some tough conversations, and some reality checks but there is one thing I have not had. Regrets. Yes. I need lots more practice at this being "real" craft before I feel totally free from the fear of man (i.e. what other people think of me).

And so I am going to keep pressing on in my search for “real.”

So tell me, have you forced yourself into any tough conversations lately? Any regrets?

This Sunday, @ Radiant Life Fellowship, we'll discover why "There's No Need To Pretend" and why that's good news.

Irresistible Marriage (part 5)

Last Sunday, we talked about:
the movement toward godliness,
the movement toward servanthood,
the movement toward honor and enjoyment.

What does it look like when all of those are connected, all the cylinders are pumping, when you're moving in those directions with your marriage?

What will happen is...
you'll communicate openly and regularly about matters of the heart.
You'll encourage one another.
You'll act thoughtfully towards one another.
You'll be affectionate with one another.
You'll celebrate each other's uniqueness
and compliment each other's strengths.
You'll accept and tolerate each other's weaknesses.
You'll resolve conflict constructively.
You'll make decisions mutually.
You’ll pray together.
You'll face pressures courageously.
You'll serve each other joyfully.
You'll tease each other playfully.
You'll reveal failure to each other graciously
That's the kind of oneness, the kind of marriage God designed.

I think that's God's design for how to stay in love.

I think that’s God rescue plan for your marriage and mine.

What direction is your marriage moving?

Irresistible Marriages (part 4)

Some of you have marriages that are pretty good, and they could be great — God wants them to be great— if you just gave them the gift of time and energy.

It’s ironic to me that I will talk to people who are amazingly intentional about other areas of their lives – they have mission statements and purpose statements for their careers and core values for their companies – but they have never given thought to having a vision for their marriage.

And for some of you, maybe your goal for your marriage or another relationship or friendship is to move it from good to great just by being intentional about time.

There are so many reasons to fight for your marriage.
So many reasons to say, “One more time, I will forgive. I will love. I will have a conversation.”

And I pray that you do it today and this week.

One of the things I want our church to be known for...is the simple fact that we are working on our marriages.

Irresistible Marriages (part 3)

The third one I want to look at is expectations. We all have expectations about almost everything. You walk into a restaurant; you expect there will be food there and plates.

When our expectations are met, we just don’t think about them. When they are exceeded, we are thrilled.

It’s when our expectations are not met that it causes this disequilibrium in us, and sometimes it’s even very subconscious. You don’t even know that you had an expectation at a certain level and that it didn’t get met.

But one of the symptoms is you find yourself living with a chronic disappointment and dissatisfaction.

You find yourself talking bad about your spouse, often to other people.

You always feel disappointed. That’s a sign to you that expectations aren’t being met. And this is where the hard work comes in of figuring out,

“Are my expectations unrealistic?"

"Have I been giving up all my expectations just to keep the peace?"

"How do I navigate what it is that I need and what it is that my spouse needs?”

Expectations happen in all categories of our relationships.

Dietrich Bonhoffer writes in his book Living Together how "...the disillusionment of each other is the starting place of community – the realization that you are married to a broken person and that you are a broken person."

Henry Cloud writes that marriage, “…while it is an utterly unique relationship, was never intended to be the place where someone gets all of their needs met.”

Jesus is the only all-sufficient relationship we could have that will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.

“An unresolved dependency on another person for my completeness and happiness is death to my marriage, and I need to stop looking for the spouse that I want and start loving the spouse that I have…to give my marriage a chance to be great.”

And to realize every time I have sensed Jenny has disappointed me, I have had to live in the reality that she has had that same experience from me. And it is humbling.

Another good thing this week, during your date time, if you are writing down differences might be to turn that piece of paper over and talk about (in your marriage) what are some expectations you had going in that have been wildly exceeded, and what are some expectations that you are still living with that you feel haven’t been met. And talk about those.

Instead of allowing your expectations to be an exit to your marriage, allow them to be a point of connection. Bringing you toward oneness.

Irresistible Marriages (part 2)

The first threat to oneness in a marriage, that I mentioned yesterday, was our DIFFERENCES. The second threat to oneness in our marriages is what I would call WITHDRAW.

Withdrawal is one of my favorite exits because you can do it and still look spiritual at the same time. When I withdraw, I don’t say nasty words; I don’t make an obvious attack. I just fly under the radar screen. And after you’ve been married long enough, you can gauge this kind of thing with such exquisite precision.

Every one of us understands how the mechanism of withdrawal works in relationship. And it sounds like such a tiny event, but you multiply that a few thousand times over - day after day, week after week, year after year - and you end up one day with two strangers living under the same roof, and they don’t even know how they got that way.

They just mastered the art of withdrawal.

I’ll tell you about a character in one of Jesus’ most famous stories who I think was a master of the art of withdrawal. Do you remember the story about the Prodigal Son who leaves home, leaves his dad?

There were two characters in that story who really wished the Prodigal Son had never come home. One of them was the fatted calf (ha! ha!). The other one was the elder brother.

Jesus’ understanding of human nature is so profoundly deep.

Jesus says, “He was angry.” He didn’t get into a fight. He didn’t get violent. He didn’t start yelling and throwing stuff or kicking things. He was angry, and he wouldn’t go in to celebrate that his runaway brother was now home. He just withdrew. He just refused to be part of the party.

And his father came out and pleaded with him (which is what withdrawers always want – somebody to beg them).

And the son says, “No, you go ahead. Have the party. I’m fine. I’ll just keep working out here. It’s all I ever do anyhow, not that anybody notices. You go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

And that little phrase right there, “I’m fine,” that’s the dead giveaway that someone in the relationship is withdrawing which is damaging oneness.

There are a lot of ways to take the exit of withdrawal:

*watch TV every night to avoid intimacy,

*retreat into romance novels or the internet,

*immerse yourself in a hobby or career,

*learn how to use silence or body language to inflict pain.

The capacity of withdrawal to inflict pain is unbelievable.

James 4:17 says this: Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.

That’s a great statement for any of us who wrestle with withdrawal to memorize.

It is possible, with God’s help, to change. And maybe for some of you, God’s calling you to say, “I’m not going to withdraw anymore. I will engage. I will talk even when it’s awkward or hard."

Is withdraw damaging the oneness in your marriage? Are you willing to do the difficult investment in your marriage to protect and strengthen the oneness factor in your marriage? What's stopping you?

Irresistible Marriages

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

Two becoming One. Oneness is the dream God has for your marriage. Oneness is a gift from God. You can't create oneness. You can only maintain that gift of oneness that God has already given you in your marriage.

Aaron Beck, an author who writes a lot about relationships, talks about two different ways in which marriages can be damaged...and this is true for all relationships in general. He says that "People can take big exits, or people can take little exits.”

"Big exits” would be highly dramatic, very visible, often permanent ways to leave a marriage.

Divorce would be the most obvious one.

On a side note: Divorce is not the unforgivable sin.

"Little exits” are much more subtle, quiet, underground, barely noticeable ways in which I move away from oneness. When you take a “little exit,” the result is that you find yourself feeling…a little more distant, a little more separate, a little disengaged.

And all day long, Beck says, in dozens of ways, by the words that we speak, by our tone of voice, by our body language, by our activities…we are constantly either building oneness or eroding oneness.

One of the greatest threats to oneness in your marriage is in our DIFFERENCES. Little or big differences (between two dysfunctional, broken, imperfect people like you and me) can damage and drive a wedge between you and your spouse. Our differences, left unchecked, can (and will) damage oneness.

So how do you keep your differences from damaging the oneness in your marriage?

Irresistible Movement

We're in a series, at Radiant Life Fellowship called IRRESISTIBLE REVOLUTION. Seth Godin writes, in his blog, about MOVEMENT: My favorite part happens just before the first minute mark. That's when guy #3 joins the group. Before him, it was just a crazy dancing guy and then maybe one other crazy guy. But it's guy #3 who made it a movement.

Initiators are rare indeed, but it's scary to be the leader. Guy #3 is rare too, but it's a lot less scary and just as important. Guy #49 is irrelevant. No bravery points for being part of the mob.

We need more guy #3s.

Irresistible Opportunities

Several weeks ago, I met with the new principal at Blythe Elementary School (the school my kids attend about a 1/4 mi from my house). I asked her if she would be supportive of having a church meet at the school on Sunday's. She is very supportive and I believe we would get an opportunity to adopt that school and see some tangible results from that partnership.

I sent in the application to CMS requesting the use of Blythe Elementary School this Fall. I will let you know what I find out.

I'm praying, listening and taking action towards securing a great Launch location for Radiant Life Fellowship for this Fall.

Sunday, September 20th looks like it could be a potential Launch Large date. If that's the case...I was thinking we could do a Preview to the Launch service on the Sunday before-Sunday, September 13th- (which would also give us practice in the new location before the official launch).

I can't predict the future and confidently say all these things are just going to fall into place. I do know that God is in control. He's our senior pastor, Savior, leader and Lord. I just want to invite you to pray. Pray that God's will be done. Pray that He would show us favor in Huntersville. Pray that we all could hear and see clearly the leading of God in this. Pray that God would trust us and bless us with lots of people we can introduce to Jesus.

I hope this help keep you informed. As we find out our options, we will keep you informed and eventually you (Radiant Life) will decide on this matter.

I welcome and invite your questions and your prayers.

In my next post, I'll talk about how we can possibly launch a 2nd Radiant Life campus, in Huntersville, almost simultaneous with the launch of our 1st Radiant Life campus this Fall. Good times!!!

Irresistible Teams (part 2)

We had an incredible time tonight as a Life Group. We did a big team building activity in our living room. It was fun. We laughed, cried and genuinely encouraged each other.

What if we were to think of church as a team sport. It takes all of us. I need each of you on this team if we are going to make any sort of dent in the Kingdom. You are valuable and you are a part of a movement in the area.

As a sort of coach, I want to let you know of some key positions, on the team, that are up for grabs. I'm not looking for experts or even someone with experience in these areas. I'm looking for some of you to just be willing to risk a little and get in the game somewhere. Here are some possibilities for you to consider. If one of these areas looks interesting to you...let's talk.

1) create the wow-factor experience for all newbies. (example: make sure our 1st time guests get the royal welcome treatment from giving them a free gift to treating them to lunch-on Radiant Life).

2) expand our band (talk with Jacob)

3) chief graphic artist (someone to help create graphics for future sermon series as well as fliers and our website)

4) point person to create a 2nd Radiant Life campus @ Angels and Sparrows Soup Kitchen (oversee the distribution of free groceries, coordinate volunteers, etc.)

5) chief CEO of the set-up and take-down teams for Sundays (this will get bigger as we grow and launch in our new Fall location)

6) chief texter, phone caller, emailer for to follow up with those who missed this Sunday (create a system where no one falls through the cracks and everyone feels cared for)

7) marketers and advertisers to help us create buzz and momentum in Huntersville for a large sustainable launch in mid September at our new campus.

8) life group leaders: Courtenay will be training and equipping anyone who's interested in hosting a life group that could start this Fall.

I know there are more positions available. This is just a start. As a team, we want everyone to get a chance to get in the game. Again, we're not looking for superstars or franchise players. YOU are exactly who we need...and YOU are exactly who God sent us. So get ready to suit up and get in the game.

This Sunday, we will take a look at what makes an "Irresistible Pace". I really look forward to Sundays. Who are you bringing?

Irresistible Teams

I love being picked to be on a team. I've also enjoyed watching the NBA finals with my two oldest kids: Cole and Noah.
Even though the Bobcats narrowly missed being in the finals, there have been two occasions Jenny and I have had to go to the Bobcats Arena and sit in what’s called the Luxury Box

It’s called the Luxury Box because they never want you to want to leave it.
It has wonderful food, beverages. You can watch TV; Comfortable seats.
A luxury box is a really nice place; it’s a very safe place.
No one ever boos you in the luxury box.
You never brick a shot or miss a slam dunk when you’re in the luxury box.
You never triple bogey a hole, lose a race, strike out or fumble the ball
when you’re in the Luxury Box.

There’s only one problem with the luxury box:

The game is not actually in the luxury box. The teams are not in the Luxury Box.
The actual players, the teams and the game are down on the field/court.
And God did not make you for a luxury box.
God made you to be on a team and get in the game.
So, I want to talk to you about leaving the bleachers—about getting out of the spectator business and getting into the team business.

I’m inviting you to join a team and get in the game.

When Jesus taught on this subject, He would get right into people’s faces.
He was building a team. Inviting people to get out of the stands and get in the game.

Jesus would approach people and say: "Follow me." People would have to decide, Do I really want to follow this man, or do I not? Am I really ready to suit up and get in the game?

One of the most common reasons that people give for not suiting up for the team and getting in the game include:
"I’m not qualified."
"I don’t think there’s anything special I can do."
"I’m not a spiritual giant."
"I don’t know much in the Bible."
"I've done some things that disqualify me"

Think about this…God has a team. Some of the former (retired) players include…
These are actual people God used on His team in the Bible:
• Abraham was on Medicare.
• Moses had a speech impediment.
• Joseph was an ex-con.
• Rahab had a history of sexual misbehavior.
• David was a homicidal adulterer.
• Elijah was bi-polar. He outran a chariot for miles one day, and he was suicidal the next day.
• John the Baptist ate bugs.
• Thomas doubted.
• Gideon panicked.
• Martha obsessed over housekeeping and food preparation. (That’s Martha in the Bible, not Martha Stewart.)
• Jonah was directionally challenged.
• Samson was relationally challenged.
• Zacchaeus was vertically challenged and integrity challenged and worked for the IRS, so nobody really liked him.
• Jeremiah said he was too young.
• Sarah said she was too old.
• Paul was not exactly Dale Carnegie in the tact department.
• And Peter was a poster boy for spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder.

These are the people through whom God changed the world.

So here’s the question: "What is your excuse?" Anybody in the Bible could have said “No” to suiting up for God’s team, because they felt inadequate.

Think what they would have missed!

The Truth is: There are no spiritual giants. We’re just a community of broken, unqualified, mess-ups

The Truth is: There are just people in the stands and people in the game on the team.

If this motivates you at all to get suited up and in the game...I'm picking you to be on the Radiant Life Fellowship Team. We need you! I'll follow up this post with more specifics about what the win looks like. Who our enemy is. The cost involved in playing on this team. What specific roles need to be filled...and more.